TOXIC THINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP
It never happened that people agreed on a single formula for love, or set specific rules for it. Every relationship is unique, and every person experiences love in a different way and deal with it according to his culture Because many common misconceptions about love take on a romantic hue, in fact, they are "toxic things in a relationship," says Margarida Viet, a family therapist at the University of Seville. Below we will review 20 of the most common misconceptions.
1. Love at first sight
What happens, at first sight, maybe just fascination or admiration. As for love, it is a mutual feeling that requires time, hard work, acceptance, and harmony, and its “origins from mutual appreciation and trust.”
2. Being jealous means you're crazy about me
Insane jealousy is not to love but may be a sign of a manic disorder that needs help, "which reveals a deep sense of insecurity and low self-esteem," according to the specialist.
3. After I won you I became mine
People are not possessions, and nobody likes to be owned, this is called "obsessive love". And the feeling of winning your partner should continue with each day's outing without even thinking about owning it.
4. You don't love me because you didn't call me
Lack of contact does not necessarily mean that the other person is not interested, love deepens by getting to know and discovering the other person over time, not just through contact.
5. My other half is somewhere
Don't live waiting for something, be complete already, you don't need to wait for someone else to feel complete.
6. Love means doing everything together
Of course, doing activities together is great, but to love someone is to give them the freedom to live their life and do things alone or with their family or friends. Everyone needs individuality sometimes.
7. How can you claim my love and not always be with me?
If someone truly loves another person, they will make time to be with them even if they are busy, but no one is available all the time.
8..you criticize me and blame me
A distorted idea of love is that it forbids criticism or blame, but constant flattery and fawning certainly do no good.
9. Do whatever I say if you love me
Loving another person does not make him obedient to you. Yes, he can respect your desires, needs, and priorities, but without sacrificing his interests, dreams, and goals as well.
10. Love means there are no differences
Having differences between you and your loved one is healthy, as both of you learn to respect each other's personality, but "when differences affect principles, values and lifestyle, it can be difficult to maintain the relationship."
11. It is possible to love without trust
The foundation of a healthy relationship is honesty, respect and trust. Viet asserts that "if you can't trust the other person, you can never love them and give them yourself and your life."
12. Fighting means we don't like
Life is not without some controversy, especially when feelings intensify, but the important thing is to try to remain calm and listen to the other's point of view, in order to avoid quarrels.
13. Our love never changes
Love is changeable like anything in life “if it is healthy and well nourished, it will grow and become stronger over time, even if it goes through some twists and turns.”
14. Not expressing oneself for fear of losing it
“Love requires transparency, truth, respect and dignity.” If you hide aspects of your personality to prevent harming or intimidating the other party, life will turn into a prison, not love.
15. Love means suffering
Human relationships are like life, not without difficult moments, but love did not exist for torture and suffering, on the contrary, "You should never feel that love is a permanent burden on you."
16. We're not okay together as a couple
If the spouses do not feel like they belong to each other, and continue to struggle to save their relationship, rather than spend a happy time together, “love will most likely not return, and the absence of affection will only increase the distance between them.”
17. Attachment is enough to be happy
There are millions of people in the world who are connected, but they do not feel love or happiness “in many cases we find people who are connected simply because they are afraid to be alone”.
18. Desire for stability forces you to continue
Fear of the unknown, guilt, worrying about what others will say, believing that a lack of love is not a good enough reason to end the experience, and feeling insecure about the future are all reasons why we don't have the courage to end a bad relationship and our continued losses may be even greater.
19. I have to pressure myself to save the relationship
It will not be beneficial for someone to give more than their energy, rather, it can lead to an imbalance in the relationship and increase the mismatch in love and giving, and it becomes difficult to salvage the relationship.
20. One-sided love
A healthy relationship requires that both parties love each other equally, and the love that we do not feel or that the other does not feel, cannot be exchanged. According to family specialist Viet.
ic relationship patterns
toxic things in a relationship have many forms, but they can be summarized in several types that are widespread in our world.
1- Relationship with a narcissist
It is a consuming and draining relationship on all levels, and you will be in this relationship with a person who only sees himself, and everything he does or does is the greatest that can be, and his partner should always be grateful for the amount that he collected with him, and to be appreciative of what he does or does, And that he always sees great, even if what he does will have negative consequences on others, and does not take into account feelings, is selfish, and is depressed just because you criticize him and question him.
2- dependent person
It is a relationship in which one of the parties is completely dependent on the other, needs you most of the time, does not bear responsibility for anything, is negative, cowardly, and resourceful, and is always willing to pay any price for the satisfaction of his partner, this is a harmful relationship, although you may feel responsible for the party The weak, and do not hesitate to end it because it drains your energy and exhausts you all the time.
3- Blindness relationship
In this type of relationship, there is a party that does not see the other party at all, has old feelings towards another person, which he drops on his partner in the relationship without awareness of him, and this appears in relationships that start with strong, and with strong feelings, whether they are love or hate. In this case, you have to know that the person in front of you is not the one meant by these feelings.
4- Relationship with a psychopath
This is not an abusive relationship, but a broken one. Dr. Taha explains in his book on the most dangerous relationships, that the psychopath is often very attractive and liar at the same time, and seems friendly, but in fact he does not feel anyone, and a mass of harm to himself and those around him, but he is wrapped in a piece of shiny Sullivan.
Manipulative with words, attitudes and actions, able to implicate you, lies without limits, if you try to blame him, he turns the table on you, selfish, violent, this relationship advises the psychiatrist to stop it immediately, and quickly stay away from this person.
5- Relationship with an exploiter
This relationship in which the exploiting party appears nice as long as he wants something from you, and his requests are fulfilled. It's always a one-way relationship. If this person does something to you, he'll probably use it against you one day, and if you refuse something he asks you to feel guilty all the time.
6- Relationship with a possessor
Insane jealousy is not love, as some believe, intense jealousy is evidence of the desire to possess, and doubt, which destroys any relationship that is supposed to be based on trust, this person gives himself the right to inspect your private things, and personal accounts, and surrounds you and isolates you from everyone, It dictates what you should do, and the relationship misses its most basic rules of respect and trust
toxic things to say in a relationship
Why do some people prefer abusive relationships?
These are the famous patterns of abusive and toxic relationships that most of us fall into, but can we survive them, or is salvation from them impossible? Dr. Muhammad Taha explains in his explanation that Robert Firestone, Professor of Psychology, confirmed that there is an imaginary link that some may put as a framework for the relationship, and despite the harm and abuse it causes, the two parties find in the integration and identification between them a motive for survival and endurance, so they play the role of father or mother in the relationship, and they carry They themselves are responsibilities that cannot be borne by an ordinary partner, but most likely after a while they will also have to escape, and be freed from that imaginary bond.